The Hospital Experience: Things to Remember

Remember: The Birth Mother is the hospital’s patient. You are a guest of the birth mother, not the hospital’s client. Their concern is the health and well-being of the birth mother and the baby, not the comfort and needs of her guests.

Respect hospital policy–be flexible! Hospital policies regarding adoption can be different at every hospital. Everything from your access to the baby and his/her physician, to the hospital’s discharge policy may be evolving. Stay flexible and calm–Wellspring’s staff will be there to help.

Express concern, interest and care directly to the Birth Parent. Talk to the birth mother when you are in her presence. Include her in your attention. Don’t just look at and talk to the baby.

Let the Birth Mother retain control of the baby in your presence. Let the birth mother hand you the baby; don’t take the baby out of her arms. Similarly, stay in the background while the birth mother has as much time as she wants with the baby.

Don’t bring your family and friends to the hospital, unless the Birth Mother has met and invited them. The hospital is not the place to introduce your family and friends to the baby. The hospital patient is the birth mother. Her friends and family will be visiting; this may be their only chance to see the child. Consider the highly emotional state of the birth mother, and don’t intrude and possibly upset the birth mother with unfamiliar faces.

Try to take one day, one hour, at a time. This is an exciting, highly emotional time. But it is in your best interest to try and sustain a little emotional distance until arrangements are finalized.

If the Birth Mother chooses to participate in the transfer, let her be proactive. Wait for the birth mother to give you the baby. Don’t take the baby away from her. Similarly, let the birth mother be the first to leave the room or drive away after the transfer is completed. It is important for her healing process that she not have an image of the baby being taken from her.

Talk to the Birth Mother about what she wants you to do during labor and delivery. Think about your comfort level. Don’t agree to participate in a way that makes you uncomfortable. In turn, don’t urge the birth mother to include you in any way that makes her uncomfortable.

Ready your support system. Awaiting a baby’s birth is never easy. Let your friends and family know how they can help you–emotionally and logistically. Let them know you’ll need support over the telephone –but not at the hospital–once the big day arrives

Each Birth Parent is unique. There is no way to know how the birth mother will react to the birth experience, what support she will seek, how she will emotionally and physically respond to delivery and the hormonal shift that follows delivery.

Emotions surrounding birth are some of life’s most intense. Be prepared to see the birth mother display extremely strong emotions. Any emotion from deep sadness to withdrawal can surface at any time from labor through the transfer. This is normal.

The Birth Mother will experience dramatic emotional shifts. Within the first 48 hours following birth, the birth mother will live on an emotional and physical roller coaster. She will experience labor and delivery, hormonal shift, physical recovery and the initial stages of detachment. Exhaustion, adrenaline and fluctuating hormones can bring powerful emotional shifts. This is normal.

Expect surprises. No matter how well you and the birth mother have planned for the hospital, or how good your communication is, expect pre-made plans to change. Nothing can really prepare the birth mother for what she will experience during and after the birth. As her emotions fluctuate, so will her needs. This is to be expected.

Birth Parents must say “hello” “see you later” and “good-bye.” Birth parents may need time alone with the baby to realistically come to terms with their decision to place the child with the adoptive family. The hospital provides the best time and place for them to begin to face and accept their decision. Don’t automatically fear the private time between the birth parents and the baby.

Think of the first 48 hours as belonging to the Birth Mother. In most cases, the birth mother feels very deeply about the child. Frequently, she perceives that she has the first 48 hours, and the adoptive parents have the rest of the child’s life. Don’t misinterpret a lack of willingness to include adoptive parents in the hospital time as “having second thoughts.”

The Birth Parents’ families and friends may be protective of the Birth Mother. The frustration of not being able to alleviate the emotional distress of the birth mother may translate into unhappiness or coldness toward all those involved in the situation, including the adoptive parents.

The hospital’s personnel will focus concerns on the Birth Mother. Regardless of the hospital’s policies regarding independent adoption, employees are individuals who may have a wide range of feelings toward adoption. For some staff members, independent adoption may be a totally alien practice. Remember, you’re dealing with individuals and their reactions may not reflect hospital policy. As always, call on the Wellspring staff if the need arises.

Be prepared for your own emotions as you separate from the Birth Mother after the transfer. After weeks or perhaps months of working together with your birth mother toward the common goal of a healthy birth, it may be very challenging to emotionally separate from her after your child’s transfer. Conflicting emotions that have arisen from time to time during the pregnancy may set as the birth becomes imminent. This insecurity is normal and is frequently experienced by birth parents as well as adoptive parents.

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

Finding out that you are having an unplanned pregnancy can be a really scary time. Many birth parents feel overwhelmed about what to do and find it hard to get accurate information about their options. Adoption Minnesota, one of the biggest adoption agencies in Minnesota wants to help teach you about the adoption process and how to give your baby up for adoption.

The first step in giving your baby up for adoption is to call an adoption counselor. Adoption Minnesota counselors are available day and night to talk with you and support you through this process of placing your newborn or child for adoption.

The next step is finding an adoptive family. Adoption Minnesota has many families for you to choose from. After you decide which family you are interested in, you can proceed however you’d like. You may call, email or meet with adoptive parents. You can communicate your plan directly through your adoption counselor also. browse waiting families»

After you have decided on which family you would like to give your baby to we sit down and create an adoption plan. Adoption Minnesota can help you create an adoption plan that fits your needs. Your counselor will assist you in planning your hospital stay. You can decide on spending time with your baby and/or the adoptive parents, if that is what you desire. You can also create a plan for future contact with your child and the adoptive parents that can include photos, updates and possible visits. Giving your baby up for adoption is a really hard process and many birth parents want to have some openness after the placement, so that they know how their child is doing.

After you have placed or given your baby up for adoption we are here to support you and help you grieve. Your counselor will be available to talk and meet with you after the adoption placement for as long as you need support. We can help you find support groups and other birth parents to speak with who have gone through the adoption process.

If you have additional questions Adoption Minnesota is here to help. You can reach us at info@adoptionmn.com or through our website www.adoptionmn.com

 

Birthmom Focused Adoptions

Adoption Minnesota Finds it Important to Create Birth Mom Focused Adoption Plans.

Adoption Minnesota is one of the biggest adoption agencies in Minnesota. We believe that it is important for women thinking about placing their child for adoption to decide how the adoption will go. Birth mothers have a lot of choices when it comes to adoption and it is important to focus on how they want the process to go. Birth mothers can choose the adoptive family, decide how they want the hospital time to go and plan what they want for openness or contact after the placement.

Birth mother focused adoptions are very important. When an adoption focuses on the birth mother’s needs and wants, it allows her to feel better about giving her baby up for adoption. It helps birth mothers grieve and heal, knowing that she created a plan to fit what works best for her baby and herself.

Adoption Minnesota also feels that it is best after the placement to continue to focus on the birth mother. Adoption Minnesota continues to support and work with our birth mothers for as long as they need us after they place their newborn for adoption. We meet up with them to counsel them in person at a location of their choice, help them find support groups and talk to other birth mothers if they are interested in doing so.

If you know anyone looking do give up their baby for adoption in Minnesota please have them reach out to our agency. We are here to support them through this process and after. We want to make sure they they feel supported and good about their plan for adoption.

Adoption Minnesota is on the Documentary 9 Months by Courtney Cox

Adoption MN has been a part of a documentary that is currently being presented on Facebook Live. This opportunity came to us through local birth parents who had already committed to the production of Nine Months by Courtney Cox during the beginning of the birth mother’s pregnancy.

 

Nine Months follows several different people around the country who have pregnancy situations that involve surrogacy, infertility struggles, a single parent, cancer during pregnancy, etc., all during their nine months of pregnancy. If you are thinking about placing your baby for adoption this may be a helpful documentary to show how the process goes for birth parents.

 

The story that Adoption MN is involved in is the only adoption situation. It follows the birth parents’ pregnancy, adoption choice, how they chose a family, the hospital experience and afterwards.

 

You can watch Nine months by either clicking on the link below or logging into Facebook and clicking on the “watch” tab, then searching for Nine months by Courtney Cox.Several of us have watched the episodes shown so far, and we feel that, for the most part, they have been positive and give a sense of what the “real life” process of planning an adoptive placement looks like. However, we do see how edited the story is and not everything shown is completely accurate.

 

Overall, the show portrays quite a variety of pregnancy related issues, struggles and the desire for and joy of becoming parents. We encourage you to view this series.

https://www.facebook.com/9monthswithcourteneycox

 

10 things birth mothers think about

There are 10 things birth mothers think about, wish for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already, if not, they are important to know. They are:

I did not place my child because they were unwanted. I wanted them so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.

I chose adoption because I loved my child. This parental love allowed me to put their needs before my own when making my choice.

This choice affected more than just me. They has a grandmother, a grandfather, and aunts and uncles who love them as well, and they will be missed.

I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes and tell them I love them one more time.

I hope that you will teach my child about their beginnings, about where they was born and who I am.

I hope you will teach respect to my child by showing respect for me in your discussions.

I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption, but I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.

I will never stop thinking about my child. They will always be a part of who I am.

I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you. I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it, including me.

In my eyes, you will always be my child’s parents. And that thought brings me happiness.

 

Adoption is About Creating a Plan Not “Giving Up”

Adoption is About Creating a Plan for your Child not “Giving Up.”

We at Adoption Minnesota work hard to promote positive adoption language. If you are just beginning to look into adoption as a birth parent, adoptive parent or adoptee you may hear or read the term “give up”. While this is a common term used by modern society and the media it is actually not the preferred term. It does not positively and realistically speak about the adoption process. It tends to present an outdated version of the process.

Birth mothers are not “giving up” their babies. They are doing quite the opposite. They are creating very detailed plans for their children and making sure they are given the very best. It is a very tough decision made from their love and strength for their child. Using the words “give up” makes it seem like it’s a quick decision where a woman gives up her child without any thought or plan.

Thankfully women are no longer told that they must hand over or give up there babies without ever hearing from them again, never getting to know how they are doing or telling them how much they are loved.

Adoption truly has changed through the decades. Women are now able to create their adoptions to fit their needs. They get to plan how they want things to go. In many adoptions today women create their adoption plans and get to have on going contact with their children through pictures, updates and sometimes visits.

Adoption Minnesota, a private adoption agency in Minnesota and other adoption professionals advocate and prefer to use terms such as “place your baby for adoption,” or “create an adoption plan,” rather than “give up your baby.” We feel that it better reflects the work that goes into finding the right adoptive family and the birth mother’s strength, courage and love for her child.

If you want to talk about adoption, the process of have any questions please feel free to call us at 612-333-0593 or email us at info@adoptionmn.com.