Is It Too Late To Give My Baby Up For Adoption After I Have Brought The Baby Home From The Hospital?

 

 

Adoption, Adoption Plan, placing my baby for adoption, Adoption in Minnesota

No, it is never too late to place your baby or child for adoption. Adoption Minnesota has worked with many women through the years that have decided to place their baby for adoption after taking the baby home from the hospital In many, but not all, of those situations, the birth mother thought about adoption before leaving the hospital with the baby but decided to parent instead – often with promises of emotional, financial, and parenting support from friends and family. Some birth mothers, who later reconsidered adoption, discovered that such promises, while well-intended, didn’t materialize or were not consistent enough to enable the birth mother to parent the child.

Whether you are still in the hospital or have left the hospital with the baby, if you are not confident of your ability to parent the child Adoption Minnesota is here for you. We can explain the process and answer any of your questions. Talking to, or meeting with, Adoption Minnesota does not obligate you to proceed with an adoption. We will treat you will kindness and respect, never pressure you to proceed with adoption, or judge you.

Adoption Minnesota has many wonderful, married, single, gay, lesbian and transgender families to choose from. They have all gone through training and have been carefully screened.

Adoption Minnesota is here to provide you with choices, support and assistance throughout the adoption process. Our goal is to make the adoption process a positive and fulfilling experience for everyone involved. We are here to answer any questions you may have or set up a time to meet in person. We are open everyday of the week and holidays too. Call us at 612-333-0593 or Text at 612-616-4564.

 

Important Factors to Remember When Giving up Your Baby for Adoption

Important Factors to Remember When Giving up Your Baby for Adoption

If you are thinking about giving your baby for adoption or placing your baby for adoption there are many things you should know about your rights and the process before you start working with an agency. Here at Adoption Minnesota we think that it is important to work with an agency who helps you through the adoption process in a caring, compassionate and non-pressuring manner. An agency should be there to help you through the process, make sure your legal rights are followed and support you with each step of your journey. Here are some important rights to remember that you have during the process of giving up your baby for adoption.

  1. You have the right to receive FREE, in person adoption counseling.
    • Counseling for adoption should always be free. At Adoption Minnesota it is also free from pressure, and any influence. This should be your plan and an agency should not push their agenda on you. If you chose to place your child for adoption, you also have the right to receive support after the adoption takes place for as long as you need it.
  1. You have the option to work with a licensed, nonprofit adoption agency.
    • If you are thinking about placing or giving up your baby for adoption, keep in mind that not all agencies are the same. Some unlicensed organizations and individuals earn a great deal of money by encouraging and pressuring women to place for adoption. Always ask the agency you are working with if they are licensed for adoption in the state you live in.
  1. You can receive financial assistance if you choose to make an adoption.
    • If you decide that adoption is right for you and your child, you have the right to receive help financially. Adoptive parents can help with basic living and medical expenses during your pregnancy, and for up to 6 weeks after you deliver.
  1. You as the birth parent should be allowed to decide how you want your adoption to go.
    • If you decide that giving up your baby or placing for adoption is right for you, then you should be in control of how the adoption will proceed. You can decide who the family will be, how the hospital time will go, and also what you want for openness or contact after placement. An agency should not pressure you to do it “their way.” At Adoption Minnesota every adoption is different, and unique. We feel that it is very important to support and help birth parents create an adoption plan that fits them and their child.
  1. You have the right to your own attorney and to have your legal rights represented at no cost to you.
    • If you are planning on placing for adoption or giving up your baby it is important that you have your own attorney. If you are not working with an agency, we urge you not to waive your right to an attorney. Having your own attorney allows you to have the legal support you need, and also have the emotional knowing that you have someone on your side making sure your rights are respected and followed.
  1. You have the option to have a legally binding agreement about what kind of future contact you want with your baby.
    • A legal binding Contact Agreement lays out the details of what kind of contact birth parents, adoptive parents and your child will have after placement. Each Contact Agreement is different and not every state has them, but your agency should tell you about them and offer to get you in touch with an attorney to draft one if you would like.
  1. No matter what you should be respected, regardless of your decision.
    • Whether you decide to give up your baby for adoption or not, you should not be pressured or made to feel guilty by the agency or people that you are working with. Making a choice about adoption is a very difficult decision and you should be respected no matter what you decide. Adoption Minnesota supports women in whatever decision they make and are here to support them in the process.

Social Media and Adoption

Social Media and Adoption

Our society uses social media to keep in touch with family, friends and many others. Social media has changed the way we communicate both in our personal and even work lives. Adoption is no different and birth parents and adoptive families are no exception.

In the adoption world social media can help make connections between adoptive parents and birth parents. It can help to keep an open adoption going with easy communication. Online support groups offer communities for adoptive and birth parents, that are easily accessible for when they need them.

Before agreeing to be friends through social media Adoption Minnesota encourages adoptive parents need to think about how they will feel if they were to see their child’s birth parents or family posting about their struggles and the coping that go along with placing a child for adoption. They also encourage birth parents, to think about how they will feel reading about the feelings adoptive parents might post about the adoption process, fear, stress, nervousness, happiness etc. When using social media, it’s important to remember that the adoption process is not only your story, but your child’s story, and the way you tell that story could impact everyone involved in the adoption. The following are some tips for when you are considering using social media on your adoption journey.

For Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents:

  • Assume that anything you say or post on social media will stay there forever. Before posting sensitive information about your adoption plans and your child, consider the possibility that the information you share now could one day be seen by your child.
  • It is a good idea to work on a post adoption social media plan. Adoption Minnesota along with many other agencies help adoptive parents and birth parents create one so that everyone is on the same page about what will be posted. Having a plan in place will allow birth parents and adoptive families to establish and agree on boundaries regarding discussions of their child and the adoption on social media.
  • If you are not currently a social media user or not a frequent user, it is very important to become familiar with sites before using them. Many sites have features that you should understand about public or private information and how you add information that is private verses public. Even after you become familiar with the privacy settings on any given site it is also important to still be aware that these sites often change the settings options. If you plan to share information about your adoption process on social media, adjust your privacy settings to limit the people who can access that information.
  • When sharing adoption information with your social media networks, remember that friends can share or respond to your posts, opening your information to a wider audience beyond your intended group of friends and followers. Include this consideration in your pre- and post-adoption social media plan.
  • Adoption Minnesota suggests that parties do not share identifying information about the birth or adoptive family or the child.
  • When sharing images of children, consider private photo-sharing websites that require a password to view posted photo galleries.
  • If you have an open adoption, consider setting up a separate, private website or private Facebook page to share pictures, information and milestones between the birth and adoptive families. This will allow you to share adoption information with a select group of individuals without including the day-to-day information you might share on your public social media sites.
  • Have clear boundaries from the beginning about who you will accept friend and follower requests from, including extended birth and adoptive family members.
  • Avoid angry or emotionally charged communication about other members of the adoption process. Again, remember that anything you do or say on social media could potentially be seen by your child one day, and these types of negative posts could be upsetting to your child.
  • Monitor and censor what friends post on your social media pages. If you shared adoption information with a friend or family member outside of social media, they may post questions or information to your social media pages that publicly reveals this information.
  • When posting to online adoption support groups or discussion forums, be careful to guard the privacy and identity of the members of your adoption. Consider changing names or using commonly used acronyms, such as “BP” for birth parent.

For Birth Parents:

  • Talk with your family, friends and the birthfather about your post adoption social media plan. Make sure everyone understands your wishes regarding the information that is shared on social media.
  • If you receive a friend request from a child, speak to your Adoption Minnesota counselor or an adoption specialist before responding. Social media is often not the best format to make these types of connections, and you may consider redirecting the request to more traditional formats, such as personal letters or emails.
  • Do not criticize the adoptive parents on social media, including expressing frustration with their parenting decisions.

For Adoptive Parents:

  • Do not post pre-placement adoption information, such as ultrasound photos, without an agreement from the birth parents.
  • If you are connected to your child’s birth family on social media, avoid posting complaints about your child. Simple expressions of routine frustrations over late-night diaper changes or a messy bedroom can be misinterpreted by birth parents and lead to hurt feelings.
  • If you have an open or semi-open adoption with your child’s birth parents, share big news and milestones regarding your child with them directly via letter, email or phone call before posting it online for the rest of your social network to see.
  • Never criticize members of the birth family on social media, including those who seem to be unsupportive of the birth mother’s adoption decision.
  • As your child grows up and begins to use social media, consider their privacy settings and their access to information about their birth family. Prepare your child for the pros and cons of developing a social media relationship with his or her birth family.

Social Media can be a great way to get to know each other and stay connect, but it can also lead to hurt feelings and misconceptions if not used right. The important thing to think about when using social media for adoption purposes is how it will affect everyone involved. As long as both sides are on the same page and have discussed their plan, Adoption Minnesota feels that social media can be a very helpful adoption tool.

 

The Hospital Experience: Things to Remember

Remember: The Birth Mother is the hospital’s patient. You are a guest of the birth mother, not the hospital’s client. Their concern is the health and well-being of the birth mother and the baby, not the comfort and needs of her guests.

Respect hospital policy–be flexible! Hospital policies regarding adoption can be different at every hospital. Everything from your access to the baby and his/her physician, to the hospital’s discharge policy may be evolving. Stay flexible and calm–Wellspring’s staff will be there to help.

Express concern, interest and care directly to the Birth Parent. Talk to the birth mother when you are in her presence. Include her in your attention. Don’t just look at and talk to the baby.

Let the Birth Mother retain control of the baby in your presence. Let the birth mother hand you the baby; don’t take the baby out of her arms. Similarly, stay in the background while the birth mother has as much time as she wants with the baby.

Don’t bring your family and friends to the hospital, unless the Birth Mother has met and invited them. The hospital is not the place to introduce your family and friends to the baby. The hospital patient is the birth mother. Her friends and family will be visiting; this may be their only chance to see the child. Consider the highly emotional state of the birth mother, and don’t intrude and possibly upset the birth mother with unfamiliar faces.

Try to take one day, one hour, at a time. This is an exciting, highly emotional time. But it is in your best interest to try and sustain a little emotional distance until arrangements are finalized.

If the Birth Mother chooses to participate in the transfer, let her be proactive. Wait for the birth mother to give you the baby. Don’t take the baby away from her. Similarly, let the birth mother be the first to leave the room or drive away after the transfer is completed. It is important for her healing process that she not have an image of the baby being taken from her.

Talk to the Birth Mother about what she wants you to do during labor and delivery. Think about your comfort level. Don’t agree to participate in a way that makes you uncomfortable. In turn, don’t urge the birth mother to include you in any way that makes her uncomfortable.

Ready your support system. Awaiting a baby’s birth is never easy. Let your friends and family know how they can help you–emotionally and logistically. Let them know you’ll need support over the telephone –but not at the hospital–once the big day arrives

Each Birth Parent is unique. There is no way to know how the birth mother will react to the birth experience, what support she will seek, how she will emotionally and physically respond to delivery and the hormonal shift that follows delivery.

Emotions surrounding birth are some of life’s most intense. Be prepared to see the birth mother display extremely strong emotions. Any emotion from deep sadness to withdrawal can surface at any time from labor through the transfer. This is normal.

The Birth Mother will experience dramatic emotional shifts. Within the first 48 hours following birth, the birth mother will live on an emotional and physical roller coaster. She will experience labor and delivery, hormonal shift, physical recovery and the initial stages of detachment. Exhaustion, adrenaline and fluctuating hormones can bring powerful emotional shifts. This is normal.

Expect surprises. No matter how well you and the birth mother have planned for the hospital, or how good your communication is, expect pre-made plans to change. Nothing can really prepare the birth mother for what she will experience during and after the birth. As her emotions fluctuate, so will her needs. This is to be expected.

Birth Parents must say “hello” “see you later” and “good-bye.” Birth parents may need time alone with the baby to realistically come to terms with their decision to place the child with the adoptive family. The hospital provides the best time and place for them to begin to face and accept their decision. Don’t automatically fear the private time between the birth parents and the baby.

Think of the first 48 hours as belonging to the Birth Mother. In most cases, the birth mother feels very deeply about the child. Frequently, she perceives that she has the first 48 hours, and the adoptive parents have the rest of the child’s life. Don’t misinterpret a lack of willingness to include adoptive parents in the hospital time as “having second thoughts.”

The Birth Parents’ families and friends may be protective of the Birth Mother. The frustration of not being able to alleviate the emotional distress of the birth mother may translate into unhappiness or coldness toward all those involved in the situation, including the adoptive parents.

The hospital’s personnel will focus concerns on the Birth Mother. Regardless of the hospital’s policies regarding independent adoption, employees are individuals who may have a wide range of feelings toward adoption. For some staff members, independent adoption may be a totally alien practice. Remember, you’re dealing with individuals and their reactions may not reflect hospital policy. As always, call on the Wellspring staff if the need arises.

Be prepared for your own emotions as you separate from the Birth Mother after the transfer. After weeks or perhaps months of working together with your birth mother toward the common goal of a healthy birth, it may be very challenging to emotionally separate from her after your child’s transfer. Conflicting emotions that have arisen from time to time during the pregnancy may set as the birth becomes imminent. This insecurity is normal and is frequently experienced by birth parents as well as adoptive parents.

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

 

Finding out that you are pregnant when it wasn’t planned can be a really scary time. Many birth parents feel overwhelmed about what to do and find it hard to get accurate information about their options. Adoption Minnesota wants to help teach you about the adoption process and how to give your baby up for adoption.

 

The first step in giving your baby up for adoption is to call an adoption counselor. Adoption Minnesota counselors are available day and night to talk with your and support you through this process.

 

The next step is finding an adoptive family. Adoption MN has many families for you to choose from. After you decide which family you are interested in, you can proceed however you’d like. You may call, email or meet with adoptive parents. You can communicate your plan directly through your adoption counselor also.

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After you have decided on which family you would like to give your baby to we sit down and create an adoption plan. Adoption MN can help you create an adoption plan that fits your needs. Your counselor will assist you in planning your hospital stay. You can decide on spending time with your baby and/or the adoptive parents, if that is what you desire. You can also create a plan for future contact with your child and the adoptive parents that can include photos, updates and possible visits. Giving your baby up for adoption is a really hard process and many birth parents want to have some openness after the placement, so that they know how their child is doing.

When giving up your baby for adoption you need to remember that after you deliver the hospital is your time. You can decide if you, and family or friends, will spend time with the baby. If you would like to have the adoptive parents there at the hospital they can come whenever you would like. The adoptive parents can come to the hospital and you may or may not want to spend time with them, it’s up to you. Once the baby and you are ready to be discharged from the hospital, the baby goes home with the adoptive parents. We do not use foster care.

After you place or give your baby up for adoption there is one more step before it becomes final. When you feel emotionally, mentally and physically ready to sign the final paperwork you come to our adoption agency. To complete the adoption process, birth parents need to consent to the adoption. The consent is a legal document that birth parents in MN cannot sign until between 72 hours after the birth of the baby, and up until 60 days after birth. Once this consent is signed, it becomes irrevocable 10 working days after signature.

After you have placed or given your baby up for adoption we are here to support you and help you grieve. Your counselor will be available to talk and meet with you after the adoption placement for as long as you need support. We can help you find support groups and other birth parents to speak with who have gone through the adoption process.

I hope this helps you to understand the process. If you have additional questions Adoption Minnesota is here to help.

Birthmom Focused Adoptions

Adoption Minnesota finds it important to create birthmom focused adoption plans.

 

What is a birthmom focused adoption? It is a plan where the birthmom decides how the adoption will go. Birthmoms have a lot of choices when it comes to adoption and it is important to focus on how they want the process to go. Our agency works with birthmoms to focus on how they want the adoption to happen. Birthmoms can choose the adoptive family, decide how they want the hospital time to go and plan what they want for openness or contact after the placement.

Birthmom focused adoptions are very important. When an adoption focuses on the birthmom’s needs and wants, it allows her to feel better about the adoption. It helps the birthmom grieve and heal knowing that she created a plan to fit what works best for her baby and herself.

We also feel that is best after the placement to continue to focus on the birthmom. Adoption Minnesota continues to support and work with our birthmoms for as long as they need us after they place their newborn for adoption. We meet up with them to counsel them in person at a location of their choice, help them find support groups and talk to other birthmoms if they are interested in doing so.

Commonly Asked Questions by Women Thinking About Placing for Adoption

Commonly asked Questions by Women Thinking About Placing for Adoption

At Adoption Minnesota, we do independent adoptions. Adoptive parents and birth parents plan their own adoption. There are no rules or policies that must be followed, so every adoption is unique. It is up to the birth and adoptive parents to decide how they want their adoptions to go. Birth parents are also guaranteed that only the family they choose can adopt the child.

1. Do I get to choose a family to adopt my baby?

Yes. You are able to choose the family you would like to place your child with. You can either choose one of the many families that Adoption Minnesota is working with, or if you know of someone who you would like to place with we can help you work with them too.

2. Can I get to know the adoptive family?

Absolutely. Many birth parents find it important to get to know the family before they chose them, and even more afterwards. We want you to feel comfortable with the family before you move forward with them. Many adoptive parents are open to having contact through phone, email and in-person visits.

3. What process do adoptive parents have to go through?

All Adoptive parents must go through an extensive process called a home study, before being approved to adopt a child. They must provide the agency with recent medical exams, financial information and complete a criminal background check among many other things.

4. Does my baby have to go into foster care after it is born?

No. Typically the baby goes home directly from the hospital with the adoptive parents. However, if the birth parent is uncomfortable with that, or is having a hard time deciding what to do, someone else can do short term care for the baby until the birth parent makes a decision on how they want to move forward.

5. Can I have a relationship with my child after placement?

In most cases birth parents and adoptive families can have openness and a relationship after placement. Birth parents and adoptive parents can make an agreement about exchanging future information. This can include having updates and pictures sent to them or even visits. It also includes arrangements for exchanging any future medical information, which might be important for the adopted child or birth parent.

6. Does the birth father have to be involved?

No. While it is a good idea to involve the birth father if he is at all willing, it is not required in Minnesota unless he is married to the birth mother, living with the birth mother, or is on the baby’s birth certificate. If he does nothing to take legal action to have himself declared the father of the child, his rights are automatically terminated a certain number of days after the child’s birth.

7. How long do I have to change my mind after placing for adoption?

You can change your mind about placing your baby until your written consent becomes final. In Minnesota the earliest a birth parent can sign a consent is 72 hours after the baby is born, and you must sign within 60 days from birth. You have 10 working days from the date you sign the consent before it becomes irrevocable and final.

8. How much will adoption cost me?

Adoption Minnesota does not charge the birth parents anything for the services provided to them. We are here to help you through this process and create a plan for your child. In many cases the birth parents legal fees are also paid for.

9. Can I get help with my expenses?

In Minnesota an adoptive family can help the birth mother by paying certain expenses for her. Generally the courts will allow them to pay for such things as maternity clothing, living expenses, and transportation to and from medical appointments. They can also pay for the birth mother’s legal fees, medical bills and any counseling she wants to help her cope through the adoption.

10. Will I have support after the placement?

Not only will you be supported throughout your placement, your counselor can offer you ongoing adoption support as long as needed. There are also adoption support groups, retreats and other birth parents who have gone through this process who are willing to talk and meet with you if desired. We are here for you.

 

If you have any questions feel free to call us at 612-333-0593 or email us at info@adoptionmn.com