You Are Not “Giving Up” by Choosing Adoption

You Are Not “Giving Up” by Choosing Adoption

You Are Choosing the Best Life Possible for Your Baby

Giving a baby up for adoption isn’t giving up! In the very least it is giving life. Birth mothers have thought long and hard about their adoption plans, they sometimes spend months planning how the adoption will go. They are just trying to choose the best life for their child. It takes an incredible amount of courage to say that you might not be what is best and that you want more for your child then what you can give them right now.

The term “giving up” can be read on websites, heard on TV shows and even be said in causal conversation among friends, but that doesn’t make the term correct. In reality women who create an adoption plan do not “give up” anything, if anything they give.

Birth mothers are making an adoption plan to give their children everything they want for them and may not be able to give them themselves. They give them families, love, stability, opportunities and much more. Nothing about an adoption plan is giving up.

Adoption has also changed so much through the years. Women no longer are forced to give up their children if they are young, single parents like they were in the past. With an open adoption birth mothers get to choose a family, decide how their adoption will go and also have visits and updates through out the years. They are not giving up, but getting to be in their children’s lives.

Adoption Minnesota wants woman to know that it is not giving up in any way. It is making a plan for a child that hopefully is best for them and also for you. If you have any questions about the process or adoption please contact us at 612-333-0593 or info@adoptionmn.com.

Adoption is About Creating a Plan Not “Giving Up a Baby”

Adoption is About Creating a Plan Not “Giving Up a Baby”

 

If you are just beginning to look into adoption as a birth parent, adoptive parent or adoptee you may hear or read the term “give up”. While this is a common term used by modern society and the media it is actually not the preferred term. It does not positively and realistically speak about the adoption process. It tends to present an outdated version of the process.

Birth mothers are not “giving up” their babies. They are doing quite the opposite. They are creating very detailed plans for their children and making sure they are given the very best. It is a very tough decision made from their love and strength for their child. Using the words “give up” makes it seem like it’s a quick decision where a woman gives up her child without any thought or plan.

Thankfully women are no longer told that they must hand over or give up there babies without ever hearing from them again, never getting to know how they are doing or telling them how much they are loved.

Adoption truly has changed through the decades. Women are now able to create their adoptions to fit their needs. They get to plan how they want things to go. In many adoptions today women create their adoption plans and get to have on going contact with their children through pictures, updates and sometimes visits.

Adoption Minnesota and other adoption professionals advocate and prefer to use terms such as “place your baby for adoption,” or “create an adoption plan,” rather than “give up your baby.” We feel that it better reflects the work that goes into finding the right adoptive family and the birth mother’s strength, courage and love for her child.

If you want to talk about adoption, the process of have any questions please feel free to call us at 612-333-0593 or email us at info@adoptionmn.com.

The Hospital Experience: Things to Remember

Remember: The Birth Mother is the hospital’s patient. You are a guest of the birth mother, not the hospital’s client. Their concern is the health and well-being of the birth mother and the baby, not the comfort and needs of her guests.

Respect hospital policy–be flexible! Hospital policies regarding adoption can be different at every hospital. Everything from your access to the baby and his/her physician, to the hospital’s discharge policy may be evolving. Stay flexible and calm–Wellspring’s staff will be there to help.

Express concern, interest and care directly to the Birth Parent. Talk to the birth mother when you are in her presence. Include her in your attention. Don’t just look at and talk to the baby.

Let the Birth Mother retain control of the baby in your presence. Let the birth mother hand you the baby; don’t take the baby out of her arms. Similarly, stay in the background while the birth mother has as much time as she wants with the baby.

Don’t bring your family and friends to the hospital, unless the Birth Mother has met and invited them. The hospital is not the place to introduce your family and friends to the baby. The hospital patient is the birth mother. Her friends and family will be visiting; this may be their only chance to see the child. Consider the highly emotional state of the birth mother, and don’t intrude and possibly upset the birth mother with unfamiliar faces.

Try to take one day, one hour, at a time. This is an exciting, highly emotional time. But it is in your best interest to try and sustain a little emotional distance until arrangements are finalized.

If the Birth Mother chooses to participate in the transfer, let her be proactive. Wait for the birth mother to give you the baby. Don’t take the baby away from her. Similarly, let the birth mother be the first to leave the room or drive away after the transfer is completed. It is important for her healing process that she not have an image of the baby being taken from her.

Talk to the Birth Mother about what she wants you to do during labor and delivery. Think about your comfort level. Don’t agree to participate in a way that makes you uncomfortable. In turn, don’t urge the birth mother to include you in any way that makes her uncomfortable.

Ready your support system. Awaiting a baby’s birth is never easy. Let your friends and family know how they can help you–emotionally and logistically. Let them know you’ll need support over the telephone –but not at the hospital–once the big day arrives

Each Birth Parent is unique. There is no way to know how the birth mother will react to the birth experience, what support she will seek, how she will emotionally and physically respond to delivery and the hormonal shift that follows delivery.

Emotions surrounding birth are some of life’s most intense. Be prepared to see the birth mother display extremely strong emotions. Any emotion from deep sadness to withdrawal can surface at any time from labor through the transfer. This is normal.

The Birth Mother will experience dramatic emotional shifts. Within the first 48 hours following birth, the birth mother will live on an emotional and physical roller coaster. She will experience labor and delivery, hormonal shift, physical recovery and the initial stages of detachment. Exhaustion, adrenaline and fluctuating hormones can bring powerful emotional shifts. This is normal.

Expect surprises. No matter how well you and the birth mother have planned for the hospital, or how good your communication is, expect pre-made plans to change. Nothing can really prepare the birth mother for what she will experience during and after the birth. As her emotions fluctuate, so will her needs. This is to be expected.

Birth Parents must say “hello” “see you later” and “good-bye.” Birth parents may need time alone with the baby to realistically come to terms with their decision to place the child with the adoptive family. The hospital provides the best time and place for them to begin to face and accept their decision. Don’t automatically fear the private time between the birth parents and the baby.

Think of the first 48 hours as belonging to the Birth Mother. In most cases, the birth mother feels very deeply about the child. Frequently, she perceives that she has the first 48 hours, and the adoptive parents have the rest of the child’s life. Don’t misinterpret a lack of willingness to include adoptive parents in the hospital time as “having second thoughts.”

The Birth Parents’ families and friends may be protective of the Birth Mother. The frustration of not being able to alleviate the emotional distress of the birth mother may translate into unhappiness or coldness toward all those involved in the situation, including the adoptive parents.

The hospital’s personnel will focus concerns on the Birth Mother. Regardless of the hospital’s policies regarding independent adoption, employees are individuals who may have a wide range of feelings toward adoption. For some staff members, independent adoption may be a totally alien practice. Remember, you’re dealing with individuals and their reactions may not reflect hospital policy. As always, call on the Wellspring staff if the need arises.

Be prepared for your own emotions as you separate from the Birth Mother after the transfer. After weeks or perhaps months of working together with your birth mother toward the common goal of a healthy birth, it may be very challenging to emotionally separate from her after your child’s transfer. Conflicting emotions that have arisen from time to time during the pregnancy may set as the birth becomes imminent. This insecurity is normal and is frequently experienced by birth parents as well as adoptive parents.

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

 

Finding out that you are pregnant when it wasn’t planned can be a really scary time. Many birth parents feel overwhelmed about what to do and find it hard to get accurate information about their options. Adoption Minnesota wants to help teach you about the adoption process and how to give your baby up for adoption.

 

The first step in giving your baby up for adoption is to call an adoption counselor. Adoption Minnesota counselors are available day and night to talk with your and support you through this process.

 

The next step is finding an adoptive family. Adoption MN has many families for you to choose from. After you decide which family you are interested in, you can proceed however you’d like. You may call, email or meet with adoptive parents. You can communicate your plan directly through your adoption counselor also.

browse waiting families»

 

After you have decided on which family you would like to give your baby to we sit down and create an adoption plan. Adoption MN can help you create an adoption plan that fits your needs. Your counselor will assist you in planning your hospital stay. You can decide on spending time with your baby and/or the adoptive parents, if that is what you desire. You can also create a plan for future contact with your child and the adoptive parents that can include photos, updates and possible visits. Giving your baby up for adoption is a really hard process and many birth parents want to have some openness after the placement, so that they know how their child is doing.

When giving up your baby for adoption you need to remember that after you deliver the hospital is your time. You can decide if you, and family or friends, will spend time with the baby. If you would like to have the adoptive parents there at the hospital they can come whenever you would like. The adoptive parents can come to the hospital and you may or may not want to spend time with them, it’s up to you. Once the baby and you are ready to be discharged from the hospital, the baby goes home with the adoptive parents. We do not use foster care.

After you place or give your baby up for adoption there is one more step before it becomes final. When you feel emotionally, mentally and physically ready to sign the final paperwork you come to our adoption agency. To complete the adoption process, birth parents need to consent to the adoption. The consent is a legal document that birth parents in MN cannot sign until between 72 hours after the birth of the baby, and up until 60 days after birth. Once this consent is signed, it becomes irrevocable 10 working days after signature.

After you have placed or given your baby up for adoption we are here to support you and help you grieve. Your counselor will be available to talk and meet with you after the adoption placement for as long as you need support. We can help you find support groups and other birth parents to speak with who have gone through the adoption process.

I hope this helps you to understand the process. If you have additional questions Adoption Minnesota is here to help.

Birthmom Focused Adoptions

Adoption Minnesota finds it important to create birthmom focused adoption plans.

 

What is a birthmom focused adoption? It is a plan where the birthmom decides how the adoption will go. Birthmoms have a lot of choices when it comes to adoption and it is important to focus on how they want the process to go. Our agency works with birthmoms to focus on how they want the adoption to happen. Birthmoms can choose the adoptive family, decide how they want the hospital time to go and plan what they want for openness or contact after the placement.

Birthmom focused adoptions are very important. When an adoption focuses on the birthmom’s needs and wants, it allows her to feel better about the adoption. It helps the birthmom grieve and heal knowing that she created a plan to fit what works best for her baby and herself.

We also feel that is best after the placement to continue to focus on the birthmom. Adoption Minnesota continues to support and work with our birthmoms for as long as they need us after they place their newborn for adoption. We meet up with them to counsel them in person at a location of their choice, help them find support groups and talk to other birthmoms if they are interested in doing so.

How to Explain Adoption to Your Children

How to Explain Adoption to Your Children

 

 

Women who have chosen to pursue adoption but already have children at home often wonder how to explain adoption to their children.

 

How do you tell your children you are placing their brother or sister for adoption? Will they understand? Will they be sad or angry?

 

If possible, begin explaining adoption to your children while you are pregnant. Be honest with them, but don’t tell them more than they need to know. Explain how your baby will always be your son or daughter and your children’s brother or sister, but that the baby will be living with another mommy and daddy who are unable to have children on their own.

 

Some ideas to help you with explaining adoption to your child are:

 

Watch Adoption Movies with Your Children – There are many children’s movies that have an adoption theme. Choose movies that are appropriate for your children’s ages, and talk to them about the movie’s adoption theme afterwards.

 

Movies with adoption themes include Meet the Robinsons, The Land Before Time, Annie, Little Stuart, Despicable Me, and Angels in the Outfield. There are countless other adoption-related movies, so search online and find one that you feel is appropriate for your child’s age.

 

Read Adoption Books with Your Children – There are also adoption-themed children’s books that may help prepare your children for the adoption. One such book is Sam’s Sister by Juliet C. Bond. This book explains adoption from the perspective of a young girl whose mother places her younger brother for adoption. Sam’s Sister explains adoption in a positive, reassuring manner for young children to understand.

 

Involve Your Children in the Adoption Process – After you have told your children about your adoption plan, it may be beneficial to involve them in the adoption process. If you feel it is appropriate, include them in meetings with the adoptive parent(s).

 

Allow Your Children to Express Their Emotions – While this is an emotional time for you, remember that your children are also most likely experiencing a wide range of emotions.

 

Encourage your children to express their emotions by having them write letters, draw pictures or make crafts for their brother or sister. You may also take your children shopping to allow them to pick out a special stuffed animal, blanket or anything else that would be a meaningful gift. These activities will encourage your children to express their emotions during this time and to give their brother or sister a special keepsake.

 

After you tell your children about the upcoming adoption, continue to create a safe environment where they are encouraged to share their feelings and where talking about adoption is OK.

 

Remind them that it is normal to feel sad. But also remind them all of the good things that will take place in the baby’s life because of the adoption, and that the baby will always be their brother or sister, no matter what.