Important Factors to Remember When Giving up Your Baby for Adoption

Important Factors to Remember When Giving up Your Baby for Adoption

If you are thinking about giving your baby for adoption or placing your newborn or child for adoption there are many things you should know about your rights and the process before you start working with an adoption agency. Here at Adoption Minnesota we think that it is important to work with a private adoption agency who helps you through the adoption process in a caring, compassionate and non-pressuring manner. An adoption agency should be there to help you through the process, make sure your legal rights are followed and support you with each step of your journey. Here are some important rights to remember that you have during the process of giving up your baby for adoption.

  1. You have the right to receive FREE, in person adoption counseling.
    • Counseling for adoption should always be free. At Adoption Minnesota it is also free from pressure, and any influence. This should be your plan and an adoption agency should not push their agenda on you. If you chose to place your child for adoption, you also have the right to receive support after the adoption takes place for as long as you need it.
  1. You have the option to work with a licensed, nonprofit private adoption agency.
    • If you are thinking about placing or giving up your baby for adoption, keep in mind that not all adoption agencies are the same. Some unlicensed organizations and individuals earn a great deal of money by encouraging and pressuring women to place for adoption. Always ask the adoption agency you are working with if they are licensed for adoption in the state you live in.
  1. You can receive financial assistance if you choose to make an adoption.
    • If you decide that adoption is right for you and your child, you have the right to receive help financially. Adoptive parents can help with basic living and medical expenses during your pregnancy, and for up to 6 weeks after you deliver.
  1. You as the birth parent should be allowed to decide how you want your adoption to go.
    • If you decide that giving up your baby or placing for adoption is right for you, then you should be in control of how the adoption will proceed. You can decide who the adoptive family will be, how the hospital time will go, and also what you want for openness or contact after placement. An adoption agency should not pressure you to do it “their way.” At Adoption Minnesota every adoption is different, and unique. We feel that it is very important to support and help birth parents create an adoption plan that fits them and their child.
  1. You have the right to your own attorney and to have your legal rights represented at no cost to you.
    • If you are planning on placing for adoption or giving up your baby it is important that you have your own attorney. If you are not working with an adoption agency, we urge you not to waive your right to an attorney. Having your own attorney allows you to have the legal support you need, and also have the emotional knowing that you have someone on your side making sure your rights are respected and followed.
  1. You have the option to have a legally binding agreement about what kind of future contact you want with your baby.
    • A legal binding Contact Agreement lays out the details of what kind of contact birth parents, adoptive parents and your child will have after placement. Each Contact Agreement is different and not every state has them, but your agency should tell you about them and offer to get you in touch with an attorney to draft one if you would like.
  1. No matter what you should be respected, regardless of your decision.
    • Whether you decide to give up your baby for adoption or not, you should not be pressured or made to feel guilty by the agency or people that you are working with. Making a choice about adoption is a very difficult decision and you should be respected no matter what you decide. Adoption Minnesota supports women in whatever decision they make and are here to support them in the process.

If you have any questions or want to talk more about the adoption process please reach out to us at info@adoptionmn.com or www.adoptionmn.com.

Social Media and Adoption

Social Media and Adoption

Our society uses social media to keep in touch with family, friends and many others. Social media has changed the way we communicate both in our personal and even work lives. Adoption is no different and birth parents and adoptive families are no exception.

In the adoption world social media can help make connections between adoptive parents and birth parents. It can help to keep an open adoption going with easy communication. Online support groups offer communities for adoptive and birth parents, that are easily accessible for when they need them.

Before agreeing to be friends through social media Adoption Minnesota encourages adoptive parents need to think about how they will feel if they were to see their child’s birth parents or family posting about their struggles and the coping that go along with placing a child for adoption. They also encourage birth parents, to think about how they will feel reading about the feelings adoptive parents might post about the adoption process, fear, stress, nervousness, happiness etc. When using social media, it’s important to remember that the adoption process is not only your story, but your child’s story, and the way you tell that story could impact everyone involved in the adoption. The following are some tips for when you are considering using social media on your adoption journey.

For Birth Parents and Adoptive Parents:

  • Assume that anything you say or post on social media will stay there forever. Before posting sensitive information about your adoption plans and your child, consider the possibility that the information you share now could one day be seen by your child.
  • It is a good idea to work on a post adoption social media plan. Adoption Minnesota along with many other agencies help adoptive parents and birth parents create one so that everyone is on the same page about what will be posted. Having a plan in place will allow birth parents and adoptive families to establish and agree on boundaries regarding discussions of their child and the adoption on social media.
  • If you are not currently a social media user or not a frequent user, it is very important to become familiar with sites before using them. Many sites have features that you should understand about public or private information and how you add information that is private verses public. Even after you become familiar with the privacy settings on any given site it is also important to still be aware that these sites often change the settings options. If you plan to share information about your adoption process on social media, adjust your privacy settings to limit the people who can access that information.
  • When sharing adoption information with your social media networks, remember that friends can share or respond to your posts, opening your information to a wider audience beyond your intended group of friends and followers. Include this consideration in your pre- and post-adoption social media plan.
  • Adoption Minnesota suggests that parties do not share identifying information about the birth or adoptive family or the child.
  • When sharing images of children, consider private photo-sharing websites that require a password to view posted photo galleries.
  • If you have an open adoption, consider setting up a separate, private website or private Facebook page to share pictures, information and milestones between the birth and adoptive families. This will allow you to share adoption information with a select group of individuals without including the day-to-day information you might share on your public social media sites.
  • Have clear boundaries from the beginning about who you will accept friend and follower requests from, including extended birth and adoptive family members.
  • Avoid angry or emotionally charged communication about other members of the adoption process. Again, remember that anything you do or say on social media could potentially be seen by your child one day, and these types of negative posts could be upsetting to your child.
  • Monitor and censor what friends post on your social media pages. If you shared adoption information with a friend or family member outside of social media, they may post questions or information to your social media pages that publicly reveals this information.
  • When posting to online adoption support groups or discussion forums, be careful to guard the privacy and identity of the members of your adoption. Consider changing names or using commonly used acronyms, such as “BP” for birth parent.

For Birth Parents:

  • Talk with your family, friends and the birthfather about your post adoption social media plan. Make sure everyone understands your wishes regarding the information that is shared on social media.
  • If you receive a friend request from a child, speak to your Adoption Minnesota counselor or an adoption specialist before responding. Social media is often not the best format to make these types of connections, and you may consider redirecting the request to more traditional formats, such as personal letters or emails.
  • Do not criticize the adoptive parents on social media, including expressing frustration with their parenting decisions.

For Adoptive Parents:

  • Do not post pre-placement adoption information, such as ultrasound photos, without an agreement from the birth parents.
  • If you are connected to your child’s birth family on social media, avoid posting complaints about your child. Simple expressions of routine frustrations over late-night diaper changes or a messy bedroom can be misinterpreted by birth parents and lead to hurt feelings.
  • If you have an open or semi-open adoption with your child’s birth parents, share big news and milestones regarding your child with them directly via letter, email or phone call before posting it online for the rest of your social network to see.
  • Never criticize members of the birth family on social media, including those who seem to be unsupportive of the birth mother’s adoption decision.
  • As your child grows up and begins to use social media, consider their privacy settings and their access to information about their birth family. Prepare your child for the pros and cons of developing a social media relationship with his or her birth family.

Social Media can be a great way to get to know each other and stay connect, but it can also lead to hurt feelings and misconceptions if not used right. The important thing to think about when using social media for adoption purposes is how it will affect everyone involved. As long as both sides are on the same page and have discussed their plan, Adoption Minnesota feels that social media can be a very helpful adoption tool.

 

Adoption is About Creating a Plan Not “Giving Up a Baby”

Adoption is About Creating a Plan Not “Giving Up a Baby”

If you are just beginning to look into adoption as a birth parent, adoptive parent or adoptee you may hear or read the term “give up”. While this is a common term used by modern society and the media it is actually not the preferred term. It does not positively and realistically speak about the adoption process. It tends to present an outdated version of the process.

Birth mothers are not “giving up” their babies. They are doing quite the opposite. They are creating very detailed plans for their children and making sure they are given the very best. It is a very tough decision made from their love and strength for their child. Using the words “give up” makes it seem like it’s a quick decision where a woman gives up her child without any thought or plan.

Thankfully women are no longer told that they must hand over or give up there babies without ever hearing from them again, never getting to know how they are doing or telling them how much they are loved.

Adoption truly has changed through the decades. Women are now able to create private adoptions to fit their needs. They get to plan how they want their child’s adoption to go. In many adoptions today women create their adoption plans and get to have on going contact with their children through pictures, updates and sometimes visits.

Adoption Minnesota and other adoption professionals advocate and prefer to use terms such as “place your baby for adoption,” or “create an adoption plan,” rather than “give up your baby.” We feel that it better reflects the work that goes into finding the right adoptive family and the birth mother’s strength, courage and love for her child.

If you want to talk about private adoption, the process or have any questions please feel free to call us at 612-333-0593 or email us at info@adoptionmn.com.

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

How to Give Your Baby up for Adoption

Finding out that you are having an unplanned pregnancy can be a really scary time. Many birth parents feel overwhelmed about what to do and find it hard to get accurate information about their options. Adoption Minnesota, one of the biggest adoption agencies in Minnesota wants to help teach you about the adoption process and how to give your baby up for adoption.

The first step in giving your baby up for adoption is to call an adoption counselor. Adoption Minnesota counselors are available day and night to talk with you and support you through this process of placing your newborn or child for adoption.

The next step is finding an adoptive family. Adoption Minnesota has many families for you to choose from. After you decide which family you are interested in, you can proceed however you’d like. You may call, email or meet with adoptive parents. You can communicate your plan directly through your adoption counselor also. browse waiting families»

After you have decided on which family you would like to give your baby to we sit down and create an adoption plan. Adoption Minnesota can help you create an adoption plan that fits your needs. Your counselor will assist you in planning your hospital stay. You can decide on spending time with your baby and/or the adoptive parents, if that is what you desire. You can also create a plan for future contact with your child and the adoptive parents that can include photos, updates and possible visits. Giving your baby up for adoption is a really hard process and many birth parents want to have some openness after the placement, so that they know how their child is doing.

After you have placed or given your baby up for adoption we are here to support you and help you grieve. Your counselor will be available to talk and meet with you after the adoption placement for as long as you need support. We can help you find support groups and other birth parents to speak with who have gone through the adoption process.

If you have additional questions Adoption Minnesota is here to help. You can reach us at info@adoptionmn.com or through our website www.adoptionmn.com

 

Birthmom Focused Adoptions

Adoption Minnesota Finds it Important to Create Birth Mom Focused Adoption Plans.

Adoption Minnesota is one of the biggest adoption agencies in Minnesota. We believe that it is important for women thinking about placing their child for adoption to decide how the adoption will go. Birth mothers have a lot of choices when it comes to adoption and it is important to focus on how they want the process to go. Birth mothers can choose the adoptive family, decide how they want the hospital time to go and plan what they want for openness or contact after the placement.

Birth mother focused adoptions are very important. When an adoption focuses on the birth mother’s needs and wants, it allows her to feel better about giving her baby up for adoption. It helps birth mothers grieve and heal, knowing that she created a plan to fit what works best for her baby and herself.

Adoption Minnesota also feels that it is best after the placement to continue to focus on the birth mother. Adoption Minnesota continues to support and work with our birth mothers for as long as they need us after they place their newborn for adoption. We meet up with them to counsel them in person at a location of their choice, help them find support groups and talk to other birth mothers if they are interested in doing so.

If you know anyone looking do give up their baby for adoption in Minnesota please have them reach out to our agency. We are here to support them through this process and after. We want to make sure they they feel supported and good about their plan for adoption.

Laura’s Story

“I know her adoptive family will love her unconditionally and give her opportunities I never could have provided. I feel at peace with my decision.”

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was in the middle of my senior year of college. My boyfriend and I had been together for almost two years, but we both knew we were in no place to raise a child. I really didn’t have any idea how to begin the adoption process, but I decided just to email a counselor at Adoption Minnesota.

Beginning with the very first email, I knew this was the agency I wanted to work with. Eventually, we scheduled an appointment to get the ball rolling. My counselor was absolutely nothing but wonderful from step one. She gave me all the information I ever could have needed, everything from explaining my rights as a birthmother to helping me find a doctor. She was incredibly available to help in any way, or just to chat. But most importantly, she always made me feel like I was making a good decision.

Then came the difficult part; choosing an adoptive family. I spent a lot of time looking through Adoption Minnesota’s book of potential families. Each family had such a touching story, and I felt like each completely deserved to get a baby! Eventually, I developed a gut feeling about one family. I scheduled a meeting with them and walked away knowing they were the perfect choice. From there, the counselors at Adoption Minnesota helped us hammer out all the details. Together, we decided everything from when the adoptive parents would come to the hospital to how often I wanted letters and pictures after they took my baby home. My counselor always reinforced that I was in control of the situation and I could choose exactly how I wanted everything to go.

The adoptive parents and I emailed almost every day from that point on. We even met a few times for coffee. I loved getting to know them better, which only solidified that I had made the right choice. Finally, the day came to go to the hospital! The experience was the most amazing of my entire life. At one point during the day after my daughter was born, my counselor, the adoptive parents, my boyfriend, my baby and I were all in one room together. It truly felt like we were all one family. When you decide to give up your baby for adoption, you can’t help but feel completely guilty. However, I knew that if I was going to bring a new little person into the world, she deserved to have the best life I could possibly give her. Giving her to an adoptive family was the way for me to accomplish this. I’ve never loved anything like I love my daughter. However, I know her adoptive family will love her unconditionally and give her opportunities I never could have provided. I feel at peace with my decision. I never would have gotten through everything without the love and support of my boyfriend, the adoptive parents, and most importantly, my counselor at Adoption Minnesota.

How to Explain Adoption to Your Children

How to Explain Adoption to Your Children

 

 

Women who have chosen to pursue adoption but already have children at home often wonder how to explain adoption to their children.

 

How do you tell your children you are placing their brother or sister for adoption? Will they understand? Will they be sad or angry?

 

If possible, begin explaining adoption to your children while you are pregnant. Be honest with them, but don’t tell them more than they need to know. Explain how your baby will always be your son or daughter and your children’s brother or sister, but that the baby will be living with another mommy and daddy who are unable to have children on their own.

 

Some ideas to help you with explaining adoption to your child are:

 

Watch Adoption Movies with Your Children – There are many children’s movies that have an adoption theme. Choose movies that are appropriate for your children’s ages, and talk to them about the movie’s adoption theme afterwards.

 

Movies with adoption themes include Meet the Robinsons, The Land Before Time, Annie, Little Stuart, Despicable Me, and Angels in the Outfield. There are countless other adoption-related movies, so search online and find one that you feel is appropriate for your child’s age.

 

Read Adoption Books with Your Children – There are also adoption-themed children’s books that may help prepare your children for the adoption. One such book is Sam’s Sister by Juliet C. Bond. This book explains adoption from the perspective of a young girl whose mother places her younger brother for adoption. Sam’s Sister explains adoption in a positive, reassuring manner for young children to understand.

 

Involve Your Children in the Adoption Process – After you have told your children about your adoption plan, it may be beneficial to involve them in the adoption process. If you feel it is appropriate, include them in meetings with the adoptive parent(s).

 

Allow Your Children to Express Their Emotions – While this is an emotional time for you, remember that your children are also most likely experiencing a wide range of emotions.

 

Encourage your children to express their emotions by having them write letters, draw pictures or make crafts for their brother or sister. You may also take your children shopping to allow them to pick out a special stuffed animal, blanket or anything else that would be a meaningful gift. These activities will encourage your children to express their emotions during this time and to give their brother or sister a special keepsake.

 

After you tell your children about the upcoming adoption, continue to create a safe environment where they are encouraged to share their feelings and where talking about adoption is OK.

 

Remind them that it is normal to feel sad. But also remind them all of the good things that will take place in the baby’s life because of the adoption, and that the baby will always be their brother or sister, no matter what.

Adoption Minnesota is on the Documentary 9 Months by Courtney Cox

Adoption MN has been a part of a documentary that is currently being presented on Facebook Live. This opportunity came to us through local birth parents who had already committed to the production of Nine Months by Courtney Cox during the beginning of the birth mother’s pregnancy.

 

Nine Months follows several different people around the country who have pregnancy situations that involve surrogacy, infertility struggles, a single parent, cancer during pregnancy, etc., all during their nine months of pregnancy. If you are thinking about placing your baby for adoption this may be a helpful documentary to show how the process goes for birth parents.

 

The story that Adoption MN is involved in is the only adoption situation. It follows the birth parents’ pregnancy, adoption choice, how they chose a family, the hospital experience and afterwards.

 

You can watch Nine months by either clicking on the link below or logging into Facebook and clicking on the “watch” tab, then searching for Nine months by Courtney Cox.Several of us have watched the episodes shown so far, and we feel that, for the most part, they have been positive and give a sense of what the “real life” process of planning an adoptive placement looks like. However, we do see how edited the story is and not everything shown is completely accurate.

 

Overall, the show portrays quite a variety of pregnancy related issues, struggles and the desire for and joy of becoming parents. We encourage you to view this series.

https://www.facebook.com/9monthswithcourteneycox

 

10 things birth mothers think about

There are 10 things birth mothers think about, wish for, and hopes for when placing their child for adoption. If you are in an open adoption, you may have heard some already, if not, they are important to know. They are:

I did not place my child because they were unwanted. I wanted them so much that I continued a pregnancy filled with unanswered questions.

I chose adoption because I loved my child. This parental love allowed me to put their needs before my own when making my choice.

This choice affected more than just me. They has a grandmother, a grandfather, and aunts and uncles who love them as well, and they will be missed.

I wish for the day I can look into my child’s eyes and tell them I love them one more time.

I hope that you will teach my child about their beginnings, about where they was born and who I am.

I hope you will teach respect to my child by showing respect for me in your discussions.

I wish I could be there to answer my child’s questions about adoption, but I trust you to answer them truthfully as best you can.

I will never stop thinking about my child. They will always be a part of who I am.

I would never try to disrupt my child’s new family with you. I put too much emotion and suffering into making this choice to allow anything to disrupt it, including me.

In my eyes, you will always be my child’s parents. And that thought brings me happiness.

 

Reid and Paul’s Adoption Story

On a Sunday September 18th we received a screening call from Kathi, our Adoption MN social worker. She told us there was a birth mother interested in 5 families, and we were her second choice. We were told the birth mother, Lauren, was shy and working slowly through the process. She was due on November 4th, so time was quickly approaching for her to make a plan.

Many days went by and we didn’t hear anything. We wondered if Lauren had picked her first choice. We started to think that maybe this situation wasn’t going to be “the one” for us, which was OK. Our philosophy surrounding our adoption plan was “when it happens, it happens…” as we wait and hope for a placement.READ MORE